老尼

An Old Nun

目光穿过接待室的窗户，看见在长长队伍的尽头，有一位藏族老觉姆，正在虔诚地顶礼。她身穿污秽不堪的僧装，脖子上是一堆结满了污垢的金刚结、像章，布满老茧的左手拿着挂满绳结的念珠，斑白的头发与灰尘夹杂在一起，让人找寻不到其本来的颜色。沟壑纵横的脸如同理不清的网互相纠结着，不知是昨天还是今天早上残存的糌粑面还附着在嘴唇上，随着不停念诵的振动而纷纷下落。脚上的袜子已经穿孔，露出长着黑长趾甲的脚趾头，一双乌黑的鞋子无力地散在一旁。只有蠕动着的粉红舌头与眼中的红血丝是身上仅存的亮点。

Looking out of the reception room window, I saw at the end of a long line an old Tibetan nun who was reverently making prostrations. Her robe was soiled and she had a bundle of grimy vajra cords with insignias on her neck; her callous left hand held a mala tied with numerous tiny knots, and layers of heavy dust masked the original color of her grizzled hair. Her face was covered with bumps and marred by countless wrinkles. At the corner of her mouth some leftover tsampa, either from this morning or last night, came loose as she was murmuring prayers. There were holes in her socks exposing her big toes with long dark toenails, and a pair of black shoes sat stiffly by her side. The only animated parts of her body were the wriggling pink tip of the tongue and the bloodshot veins in her eyes.

看见我向她微笑示意，她咧嘴一笑，露出黑黄的牙齿，一瘸一拐地走上前来。

Noticing my smile to her, she grinned, revealing dark brown teeth, and limped toward me.

她用含混而沙哑的声音告诉我说：她来自青海班玛，丈夫早已过世，辛苦抚养成人的四个儿子都对她十分厌弃。走投无路的她来到学院已经三年，在这个和睦的大家庭里，不用再看人白眼、受人冷落，在上师的加持下，生活十分快乐。

In a hoarse and slurred voice she told me: She was from Baima, Qinghai Province. Her husband had passed away long ago and her four sons, whom she raised with much hardship, ignored her spitefully. Having nowhere to turn to, she came to our academy about three years ago and in this harmonious big family, she no longer has a fear of being ridiculed or deserted; through the blessings of the masters, she is now living a happy life.

我问她：你的儿子对你不好，你记恨他们吗？她平静地回答说：那都是前世的果报，没有什么值得埋怨的。只有祈祷佛菩萨、祈祷上师，忏悔自己的业障。学院有这么多成就者，就是现在死去，也不用害怕了，我一定会被加持往生极乐刹土的。

I asked her: “Your sons have mistreated you; do you bear grudges against them?” She replied calmly: “This is all payback for my previous evils, I have nothing to blame. What I can do is to pray to the Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, and the Teacher, and purify my bad karma. There are so many accomplished masters in the academy, even if I were to die now, I would have no fear, as all the blessings bestowed on me will guide me to the Pure Land of Bliss.”

听了她的回答，我也被她那种毋庸置疑的信心所感染，在她肮脏的外表下面，有着一颗多么珍贵的如意宝啊！能够从心底里以微笑来面对生活，能够对三宝、对上师具有如此坚定不移的信心，远远胜过了那些冠冕堂皇的口头见解；胜过了年轻气盛的争论答辩；更胜过了世间那些穿着考究的豪门贵族。

Her unshakable faith coming straight from her words touched me deeply. Beneath her smudged appearance, what a precious jewel was hiding there! Her resolution to face life with a smile, her unwavering faith toward the master and the Three Jewels surpassed by far the grandeur of theoretical prattles; they refuted eloquently the debates of the young and aggressive. Moreover, she outshined any of the well-dressed rich and powerful personages.

刚好别人送给我几个热气腾腾的馒头，我全部转送给她。她一边接过馒头，一边忙不迭地说道：“卡卓(谢谢)！卡卓！”

By chance someone just offered me a few hot steamed buns, and I immediately passed them to her; she happily received them and hurriedly said: “Khatro (thanks)! Khatro!”

看着一边念着观音心咒，一边摇着转经筒踽踽远去的背影，我深深地为她祝福，同时也希望天下所有的老人都能拥有一个真正幸福的晚年。

She then took her leave while continuing to chant the mantra of Avalokitesvara and turn the prayer wheel. Gazing at her receding figure, I prayed sincerely for her and wished all elderly people in the world would also live out their twilight years in true happiness.

壬午年六月二十日 　
2002年7月29日 　　　

20th of June, Year of RenWu
July 29, 2002