俗话说﹕「宽水养鱼终究好，莫因爱恶起风波。」一般世俗的「爱」，都是爱之深、责之切；因为这种执着，往往为一桩小事纠葛就反目成仇。情深，恨更深，所以基本上，人宽厚淡泊一些的好。所谓「爱人者，人恒爱之；敬人者，人恒敬之。」我们若恭敬赞叹别人，不和人计较，别人一高兴会更加自爱自励；就算他们没有赞叹我们，已是于人有益，又于我何损？

There’s a saying, "It is always good to raise fish in a large pond; never stir up waves because of your own likes or dislikes." With worldly love, it is generally the case that the deeper you love some- one, the more demanding and critical you are of that person. Due to this kind of attachment, people often get into fights with those they love and turn into enemies. If the love was deep, the hatred is even deeper. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a more tolerant and detached attitude towards people. As it is said, "those who cherish others will always be cherished. Those who respect others will always be respected." If we make a point of being respectful and praising others instead of arguing with them, when others are happy it will only make us cherish ourselves and urge ourselves on. Even if we are not praised for such behavior, others have benefited from it and we have not lost anything by it.

经常听到有人因吃了亏而忿忿不平，不是苦心积虑想找回公道，就是不争回颜面利益誓不罢休。因此，委曲、哀怨、仇恨填满胸臆，每天吃不香，睡不稳，心眼儿只局限在那小小的死结上。其实，吃不吃亏都是自己想的；若不计算就不会感觉吃亏，日日是个好日。若会计算，就容易感觉吃了亏；吃了亏又继续烦恼，岂不是「赔了夫人又折兵？」最不上算了！为什么会计算的，却总计算不到这上头？

We often hear of people who, because they took a loss, are furious and determined to gain revenge. They won’t rest until they have snatched back their own honor and benefit. Filled with grief and resentment at being wronged, they have no appetite and cannot sleep. Their mind becomes limited to a mean and narrow vision of things. Actually, whether or not you have taken a loss is a matter of how you look at it. If you don’t calculate for yourself, you won’t feel that you have taken a loss, and every day is a good day. If you calculate and scheme, it’s easy to feel as if you’ve taken a loss and so you get afflicted. Isn’t that a case of taking a double loss? It’s not worth it at all! Why don’t you ever take this into account in your calculations?

再进一步说﹕为人隐恶扬善，是忠厚的美德；太过刚正、嫉恶如仇，就不是美德了。嫉恶如仇只能算是「侠」，并非「义」(宜)，更谈不上是「仁」。

Further, it is the virtue of tolerance and loyalty to be able to overlook people’s faults and praise their good points. It is not a virtue to be overly righteous and hate evil people with a passion. Such a mentality can only be called chivalry; it cannot be considered righteousness and even less is it humaneness.

中国「春秋五霸」的秦穆公和楚庄王，都是泱泱大度、不揭人短的仁君。这儿有两个脍炙人口的小故事，足见他们之能称霸一时绝非幸致，完全是因为他们的一念之仁而得人心之故。

During the Spring and Autumn Era of the five feudal lords, Lord Mu of Qin and Lord Zhuang of Chu were both humane and tolerant rulers who did not talk about others’ shortcomings. Here are two popular anecdotes which show that it was not by luck that they were able to rule. They won people over with their humaneness.

秦穆公有一匹心爱的马，在山野的围猎中走失了，便派人满山遍野地去找。一团骑兵发现烟火便循香找去，看见有一群人生着火在烤马肉吃，就怒叫道﹕「你们这些野人，好大的胆子！竟敢偷走君王的爱马宰了吃！」便把这一批吃马肉的人都押到穆公面前。

Lord Mu of Qin had a beloved horse. When this horse disappeared during a hunting expedition, Lord Mu sent scouts all over the mountain to search for it. One party of mounted soldiers party detected smoke and tracked the smell to its source, where they saw a group of people roasting horsemeat over a fire. The soldiers angrily yelled, "You savages have all the gall! How could you steal the King’s beloved horse and slaughter it to eat?" They took those people before Lord Mu.

穆公看着最钟爱的马已死，固然心疼；但爱马的命既已无可挽回，又何必徒然杀死这许多人命呢？于是叫人抬来一缸美酒，并说﹕「我听说吃了宝马的肉如不用好酒佐食，肠胃会撑不住。你们快快把酒喝了！」就率兵回城。

Although Lord Mu was saddened to learn of the death of his favorite horse, since there was no way to bring it back to life, he did not see any need to take the lives of all those people. Instead, he sent people to fetch an urn of fine wine and said, "I’ve heard that if one does not accompany fine horsemeat with fine wine, the stomach will not be able to take it. So all of you, please drink up!" Then he led his troops back to the city.

过了几年秦晋交战，秦国因为轻敌而大败，穆公逃到一处山坳间，情况十分危急；忽然一阵巨雷似的响声，一队人自山坡滚着大石直冲到敌军前，奋勇嘶杀把晋兵打得落荒而逃。穆公惭愧地下马致谢﹕「寡人不曾恩及全国百姓，是何褔德竟蒙冒死相救！」领头的人也急忙率众跪下说﹕「大王！我们就是那群吃马肉的人啊！」

Several years later when the state of Qin went to war with the state of Jin, Qin underestimated the enemy and was badly defeated. Lord Mu and his men were driven into a gorge and caught in a precarious situation. Suddenly they heard what sounded like a roll of thunder, and a band of men came rolling huge boulders down the slope, right onto the enemy troops, which they then proceeded to attack and kill. The troops of Jin dispersed and fled for their lives. Lord Mu dismounted in shame and went to thank the men, "I have not treated my people very well. What blessing do I have that makes you risk your lives to rescue us?" The leader motioned for his group to kneel down, and then he said, "Great King! We are the people who ate the horsemeat!"

楚庄王有一回宴请将相大臣，不但把上好的陈年醇酒取出招待，更叫后宫美女轮流敬酒。在昏暗的灯光下，君臣喝得酒酣耳热，谈笑不断；忽然，他最宠爱的一个妃子悄悄挨近说﹕「大王！方才贱妾敬酒时，有个人趁机对我不规矩，贱妾巳偷偷把他的帽带子摘断。您只要把灯点亮，察看有谁的帽带子断了，就知道不守规矩的人是谁了！」

Lord Zhuang of the state of Chu once invited all the generals, ministers, and officials to a banquet, where he brought out his best aged wine and had his royal concubines take turns serving it. In the evening lamplight, when the officials were inebriated and deep in conversation, his favorite concubine quietly approached him and said, "Your Highness, just now when I was serving wine, one of the men acted improperly towards me. I stealthily snapped his hat strap. If you light up the lamps and take a look, you will know which man it was."

楚庄王一听，马上说﹕「赐人饮酒弄到他酒醉失礼，这是寡人的过失。寡人怎能再用后宫女子的小节去玷污了庙堂大臣的大行呢？」于是下令搬来更多美酒，并把灯火全部吹熄，说﹕「今天我们君臣痛饮，不醉不归！谁若不喝到帽带子都捻断了就不算尽欢尽兴！」天明时，一堂醉得东倒西歪的大臣已没有一个还有帽带子的了。

Lord Zhuang said, "If I give a man wine and make him so drunk that he loses his manners, that is my own fault. How can I defile this great gathering of court officials with the petty ways of a concubine?" Thereupon he ordered more fine wine to be brought out, snuffed out the lamps, and said, "Tonight we, the Lord and his men, must drink until we are thoroughly drunk! Anyone who fails to drink to the point of snapping his hat strap will not have celebrated to the utmost." By the next morning, the great officials were all dead drunk, and none of them had their hat strap.

后来在一次出使外国的谈判中，有一位大臣拼命捍卫楚庄王，又以和对方君王同死做要挟，终使对方君王签下了和约。任务顺利完成，君臣一行也得以安全归国。途中，楚庄王不解地问那个大臣﹕「寡人似乎不曾特殊地加荣宠于你，你为何这么样地拼命保卫我呢？」

Later on, while serving as an ambassador in another state, one official did all he could to protect the Lord Zhuang of Chu and even threatened that he would die with the lord of the other state. Finally that lord signed a treaty. After completing his task, Lord Zhuang and his official returned to their own state. On the way, the Lord asked the official, "1 don’t remember having shown you any special favor. Why were you so determined to protect me?"

那个大臣回答说﹕「臣就是那个被美人摘断帽带子的人！」反过来说，若是喜好幸灾乐祸、揭扬人短，不管是有意无心，又会招致怎样的报应呢？

The official smiled and said, "1 was the one whose hat strap was snapped by your concubine." On the other hand, if you rejoice in other people’s misfortunes and make known their shortcomings, whether deliberately or not, what kind of retribution will you receive?

春秋时代的齐国是大国。一回齐国有大庆典，许多国家都派使者来朝觐；因为场面盛大齐顷公的母亲也出来在城门上观看。当她看到晋、鲁、卫、曹四国使者一起出现时，忍不住指着他们大笑起来。为什么呢？因为很凑巧晋国使者是个瞎子，鲁国使者是个秃子，卫国使者是个跛子，曹国使者是个驼子。这四个使者被如此嘲笑都十分羞忿，回国后各自报告受辱经过。晋、鲁、卫、曹四国便联合起来围攻齐国，把齐兵打得落花流水，灾情惨重。这就是「扬人短」所惹出的灾祸。

During the Spring and Autumn Period, the State of Qi was a large country. Once when it held a large ceremony, many other states sent ambassadors to attend. Because it was a splendid occasion, the mother of the Lord Qin of Qi came out to watch from the city gate. When she saw the ambassadors of Jin, Lu, Wei, Cao appear, she could not help but burst into laughter. Why? Because, by a strange coincidence, the ambassador of Jin was blind, the ambassador of Lu was bald, the ambassador of Wei was lame, and the ambassador of Cao was a hunchback. Embarrassed and furious at being mocked, these four ambassadors returned to their states and reported how they had been insulted. The four states of Jin, Lu, Wei, and Cao then joined together and attacked the state of Qi, defeating the Qi troops so badly that they were reduced to wretched misery . That was a disaster caused by making fun of others’ shortcomings.