Chapter 12 Marriage, Birth Control And Death

第十二章 婚姻.节育和死亡

Buddhist Views on Marriage

佛教的婚姻观

In Buddhism, marriage is regarded as entirely a personal, individual concern and not as a religious duty.

佛教认为婚姻是完全个人的事，与宗教无关。

Marriage is a social convention, an institution created by man for the well-being and happiness of man, to differentiate human society from animal life and to maintain order and harmony in the process of procreation. Even though the Buddhist texts are silent on the subject of monogamy or polygamy, the Buddhist laity is advised to limit themselves to one wife. The Buddha did not lay rules on married life but gave necessary advice on how to live a happy married life. There are ample inferences in His sermons that it is wise and advisable to be faithful to one wife and not to be sensual and to run after other women. The Buddha realized that one of the main causes of man's downfall is his involvement with other women (Parabhava Sutta).Man must realize the difficulties, the trials and tribulations that he has to undergo just to maintain a wife and a family. These would be magnified many times when faced with calamities. Knowing the frailties of human nature, the Buddha did, in one of His precepts, advise His followers of refrain from committing adultery or sexual misconduct.

婚姻是一种社会习俗。婚姻缔造了人类的安定与幸福。婚姻使人类的生活有别于其他动物。婚姻有效的维持生育秩序与和谐。虽然经典中对一夫一妻制度保持缄默，佛教徒却严格的奉行一夫一妻制。虽然佛教并没有限制弟子们只能拥有一名妻子，可是，从他的教义中可以看到，佛陀反对弟子与妻子以外的女性茍合，告诫弟子们不要沉迷于肉欲之乐，从这可推断佛陀还是支持一夫一妻制的。从《善生经》 (Parabhaa Sutta)里可以看出，「婚外情」是导致人类堕落的主要原因之一。人类必须了解维持一个家庭的困难，尤其当不幸的事发生时，所遇到的困难会更加倍。基于对人类这种弱点的认识，佛陀制定了不邪淫戒，严禁弟子们通奸、和对各种邪淫罪行的违犯。

The Buddhist views on marriage are very liberal: in Buddhism, marriage is regarded entirely as personal and individual concern, and not as a religious duty. There are no religious laws in Buddhism compelling a person to be married, to remain as a bachelor or to lead a life of total chastity. It is not laid down anywhere that Buddhists must produce children or regulate the number of children that they produce. Buddhism allows each individual the freedom to decide for himself all the issues pertaining to marriage. It might be asked why Buddhist monks do not marry, since there are no laws for or against marriage. The reason is obviously that to be of service to mankind, the monks have chosen a way of life which includes celibacy. Those who renounce the worldly life keep away from married life voluntarily to avoid various worldly commitments in order to maintain peace of mind and to dedicate their lives solely to serve others in the attainment of spiritual emancipation. Although Buddhist monks do not solemnize a marriage ceremony, they do perform religious services in order to bless the couples.

佛教对婚姻的看法是非常自由的。佛教认为婚姻是完全个人的事，与宗教无关。佛教中并没有任何戒律要人们保持独身、强制结婚或保持贞操。也没有规定佛教徒要生孩子或生几个孩子。佛教允许信徒自己自由的决定一切有关于婚姻的问题。或许有人要问：「既然佛教不禁止结婚，为什么出家人不结婚呢？」出家人选择独居的生活方式，是为了更有效的服务人群，他们自愿的放弃世俗的生活，放弃婚姻生活，是为了避开尘世的纷扰，也为了保持平静，他们奉献了自己的一生为人类服务，帮助人类完成心灵的解脱。

Divorce

离婚：

Separation or divorce is not prohibited in Buddhism though the necessity would scarcely arise if the Buddha's injunctions were strictly followed. Men and women must have the liberty to separate if they really cannot agree with each other. Separation is preferable to avoid miserable family life for a long period of time. The Buddha further advises old men not to have young wives as the old and young are unlikely to be compatible, which can create undue problems, disharmony and downfall (Parabhava Sutta).

A society grows through a network of relationships which are mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent. Every relationship is a whole hearted commitment to support and to protect others in a group or community. Marriage plays a very important part in this strong web of relationships of giving support and protection. A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. The institution of marriage provides a fine basis for the development of culture, a delightful association of two individuals to be nurtured, and to be free from loneliness, deprivation and fear. In marriage, each partner develops a complementary role, giving strength and moral courage to one another, each manifesting a supportive and appreciative recognition of the other's skills. There must be no thought of either man or woman being superior; each is complementary to the other, a partnership of equality, exuding gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication.

佛教不禁止分居或离婚。假如，人们严格的遵守佛陀的教义，这种事情就不会发生。

假如男女双方真的认为他们不能生活在一起时，他们可以自由的分开。分居总比悲惨、有害的长期生活在一起要好得多了。根据《善生经》的记载，佛陀奉劝老年人不要娶年轻的妻子，这种结合会产生种种问题，造成不协调和堕落。

人际关系是社会发展的网络，互相支援、互相依赖。每一种人际关系都为了保护和发展自己的一个小组。婚姻是最重要的人际关系，彼此保护，彼此支援。一个正常的婚姻，是建立在信任和了解，而不是冲动和放纵，正常的婚姻培养了正确的基础和文明的发展。欢愉的结合，使感情都能够获得发展，不再寂寞、害怕或失落。在婚姻中，双方都要彼此互动、尊重、支持和鼓励，要支持和欣赏对方的表现，不要有高低之分，要互相帮助，培养平等，温柔，慷慨、平和与付出的品德。