Chapter Two： FILIAL PIETY

父母呼，应勿缓，父母命，行勿懒。
父母教，须敬听，父母责，须顺承。
冬则温，夏则凊，晨则省，昏则定。
出必告，反必面，居有常，业无变。
事虽小，勿擅为，苟擅为，子道亏。
物虽小，勿私藏，苟私藏，亲心伤。
亲所好，力为具，亲所恶，谨为去。
身有伤，贻亲忧，德有伤，贻亲羞。
亲爱我，孝何难，亲憎我，孝方贤。
亲有过，谏使更，怡吾色，柔吾声。
谏不入，悦复谏，号泣随，挞无怨。
亲有疾，药先尝，昼夜侍，不离床。
丧三年，常悲咽，居处变，酒肉绝。
丧尽礼，祭尽诚，事死者，如事生。

谏是劝告他人，使其改过向善；特别地用在晚辈对长辈，或是地位低者对地位高的人，如儿女谏正父母，臣子谏正君主。“更”读平声，作动词用，改变的意思；也就是说把不好的思想、习惯或行为都改变成好的。这就是说怎么样正确地来面对父母的过失和罪业，在现代的社会里，这尤其是种很不容易处理的事情。

To exhort people to change for the better refers？ especially to exhorting those of an older generation or in a higher position, for instance, a child exhorting his parents or a minister exhorting the king to change. One exhorts them to change, that is, to correct their bad habits, thoughts, and conduct. This verse describes the proper manner for dealing with the faults and offenses of one’s parents. This is a difficult situation to handle in modern society, because people put too much emphasis on individual development, freedom, and equality.

为什么呢？因为现代人很尊重人性的自我发展，也很重视自由和平等，因此孩子变得很独立，不再唯父母之命是从了！古代中国人惯有的观念“天下无不是的父母”，以及古希伯来民族和罗马人的“君父至上”观念，早已销声匿迹；即或五O年代以前，美国孩子对父母那么毕恭毕敬，口口声声 “Yes，Sir。”(是，大人！)的场面，也不复可见了！这究竟是好，还是坏呢？教育专家公说公有理，婆说婆有理，总也闹不清楚，岂不是一大难题？这暂且不提，现在先就这段文字，来看看古代中国孩子的作法。

Today’s children are exceedingly independent and are not so willing to obey their parents. In ancient China, there was a common idea that one’s parents are faultless. The ancient Hebrews and Romans also believed that their kings and fathers deserved the highest respect. Before the1950’s, American children still addressed their parents with the utmost respect, always answering, "Yes, sir." But all of these customs have gone with the wind. Is this good or bad? This is quite a controversy among educational experts, who cannot seem to come to a consensus. Let us set it aside for now, and take a look at how traditional Chinese children treated their parents.

当孩子发现父母的过错时，该替父母覆藏起来？或是劝阻父母？又或者大公无私地予以举罪？这真是见仁见智，不可一概而论的问题。原则上，当然要规劝父母改正，阻止其再继续犯错。因为真正的孝顺便是不使父母的人格蒙受污点。若劝父母，而导致父母生气，怎么办才好呢？于理，我们站得住脚，当然要继续劝导；在事上，就有不同的状况要应变了！

When children see that their parents are at fault, should they try to cover for their parents, or should they try to give their parents some advice? Or should they explode at their parents and demand justice? This is actually a very complicated and delicate question. In general, we should definitely exhort them to not repeat the mistake, and to change for the better. True Filial piety is not just making our parents happy in the short term, but protecting them from a bad reputation. What if our parents get angry at us when we urge them to change? In principle, we have the right to calmly continue to advise them. However, in order to handle such matters appropriately, we need to look carefully at the conditions.

若父母的过失小时，一定要坚持劝到底；即使父母怒不可遏，责骂甚至于打我们，也不要放弃。若父母的过失很大，到了伤身害命，甚至毁家卖国的程度，劝也劝不了时，怎么办？古中国人的作法是“退而自伤”；也就是说不再规劝，退开一边，默默的哀伤。其实，最好的办法就是；自己多作一些善功德，把父母的过恶所带给人的不便和不幸，尽量弥补过来，再把这些功德回向给父母，好让父母早日醒悟回头。

If our parents’ mistakes or faults are minor ones, we should continue to exhort them to change, not giving up even if they get so mad that they scold or hit us. If our parents’ faults are so serious that they might bring harm to other people, the family, or the country, and they refuse to listen to our advice, what should we do? The traditional Chinese solution would be to withdraw and dwell in sadness. However, the best solution would be to keep performing virtuous deeds to make up for our parents’ bad deeds, and to dedicate the merit to our parents in hopes that they will wake up and reform.

中国明朝末年，在满清占有大部分领土之际，郑成功的父亲贪生怕死，打算投降满清，卖国求荣；郑成功屡劝谏父亲，这是不忠不义的行为，父亲还反过来责备他年轻不懂事。他的母亲深明大义，不满丈夫的不忠，以死来教育郑成功，务必移孝作忠。于是，郑成功带了一些忠贞的部属，逃离父亲的营区，继续抵抗满清。虽然郑成功的父亲被满清杀害了，明朝也终究是亡了；可是，郑成功忠君爱国的事迹，与建设台湾的功劳，却永垂青史，活在每一个人心中，也让他的父亲免去了被后人唾骂。

In the last years of the Ming dynasty, the Manchurians occupied most of China. Zheng Chenggong’s father, a general who owned a great deal of land and had a vast army of soldiers, decided to surrender to the Manchurians in order to save his own life and to gain prosperity. Again and again, Zheng Chenggong pleaded with his father not to surrender, as it was both a disloyal and a dishonorable action, but his father brushed him off as young and inexperienced. His mother, an upright and virtuous woman, disagreed with her husband’s disloyal action and committed suicide in order to teach her son that he should be loyal to the country rather than follow his father in name of a filial son. Consequently, Zheng Chenggong fled from his father’s camp with a group of loyal soldiers, and continued to fight against the Manchurians. Although his father was slain by the Manchurians and the Ming Dynasty perished in the end, Zheng Chenggong’s loyal actions and his merit in developing Taiwan are very important events in Chinese history and in the minds of all the Chinese.

郑成功的移孝作忠，不正是大孝的表现吗？至于如何劝父母，也得要有技巧；否则劝坏了，自己受害不说，父母也失去了改过自新的机会。劝父母的方式，要与劝朋友或晚辈不同：劝晚辈可以严厉指正，也可以温和诱导；劝朋友，则要“忠告而善道之，不可则止，毋自辱焉。”

By his actions, Zheng Chenggong saved his father from being despised and slandered by later generations. Don’t you agree, then, that his loyalty to the country actually was a form of filial piety to his parents? When we remonstrate with our parents, if we are not tactful, not only will we harm ourselves, but our parents will lose an opportunity to change. In admonishing our juniors, we may be either stern or gentle. In remonstrating with friends, we should speak to them seriously, because they are used to joking around with us and may not take us seriously otherwise.

这意思是说，劝朋友时，态度要严肃正直，否则他们会因为平日的狎昵，而轻忽我们的劝告；但是虽然态度要严肃正直，言词却必须委婉有技巧，知道怎样去诱导对方，让对方容易接受。若朋友固执不听时，却还不知停止，令对方恼羞成怒，或者就会侮辱或加害我们了！君子绝不会拿自己的生命来作无谓的冒险。那么劝父母呢？第一要紧的是绝不可使用严肃的态度和声调。所谓“父子之间不责义”，就是怕彼此扯破脸，而伤了父慈子孝的天性。

Yet we must also choose our words carefully, so that they find our advice easy to accept. If they ignore our advice, we should not argue with them, or else they might get angry and harm someone. A wise person will not risk his life for a useless affair. How then should we remonstrate with our parents. First of all, we should never use a harsh tone of voice. It is said that parents and children should not request each other to uphold righteousness, for that would break the natural affection between them.

所以劝父母时，脸色要和悦，言词要婉转；总之我们的态度要柔顺，要让父母感受到我们的恭敬和盼望。被恭敬，父母内心会感觉安慰，容易接受劝告；被盼望，父母心中会感觉惭愧，而愿意努力去改过。所以说，劝父母改小过时，必须坚持不移，就像橡皮糖一样；虽然又黏又软，但是甜，让人难以拒绝。

Therefore, we should use gentle expressions and a soft tone of voice, and let our parents know that we respect them and hold them in high regard. Our parents will then be comforted and willing to accept our advice. Feeling obliged to fulfill our expectations, they will feel shame and try their best to reform. In exhorting our parents to correct their faults, we should be gentle and persistent, like a piece of soft, sticky, and sweet candy, which is impossible to refuse.

以前中国东北有一位常仁大师，未出家前人家都尊称他“王孝子”。他怎样得的孝名？王孝子的父亲爱抽鸦片，他每日工作所得的钱，都供给父亲买鸦片烟，丝毫也无吝惜和怨言。不但如此，王孝子的父亲抽了鸦片就昏睡，或久或暂，王孝子都躬身侍候一边，毫不倦怠，直侍候到父亲醒来，才敢离开去睡觉。一日，他父亲醒来，自己生了大惭愧心；为不叫儿子辛苦工作之余，又如此侍奉自己，就下定决心，从此把烟戒除了。

The Great Master Chang-Ren was known as Filial Son Wang in Manchuria before he left home. How did he earn this name? His father was an opium addict, and Filial Son Wang used all his wages from his hard work to provide his father with opium. His father would always doze off after smoking opium, but no matter how long his father slept, he would faithfully wait by the bedside until his father woke up before he went off to rest. One day his father woke up and felt very ashamed. He decided to quit smoking opium, because he didn’t want to see his son working so hard during the day and then attending upon him like that after work.

《诗经》里也有一首〈凯风歌〉，叙述一个有七个儿女的母亲想再嫁，孩子们不但没有怨尤，反而自责没有尽到人子的责任，才让母亲得不到安慰。这样委曲求全的孝心，和劝而不劝的劝导，难道不是值得赞叹和学习的？

In the Book of Odes, there’s a song called the Soft South-wind describing a widow with seven children who wished to marry again. Her children did not hate her at all, but instead blamed themselves for not fulfilling their duties in comforting their mother. We should learn these kinds of filial thoughts and the gentle ways of advising parents that the ancients used.